Friday, January 01, 2010

a dream with a deadline

"A goal is a dream with a deadline. - Never Eat Alone

I have tons of crap swimming in my head for the last week and have been lazily putting it off. Now that 2010 is officially here, I guess this is the first step to the new year.

I'm reflecting a lot on the last year and I have not had a very productive one even though I'm super busy in law school, took a few trips to different states, and made tons of new wonderful friends. It may be that I was in the middle of my law school career and steam was escaping much too quickly, but I think it was a combination of other things happening in my life as well.

Starting off this second year seemed bright at first, but it slowly diminished when I realized my heart was not in it. I can't really explain it, but my body just shut down, and so did my academic brain. I'm on the net a lot more than first year, and I can sit for hours browsing the web. If you know me, you know that my computer is attached to me at the hip, but I'm on it in a more productive way. I use it for school, class note taking, research, etc. Now, I'm facebooking, reading random insignificant blogs, and staring at the screen during the time of day when I am most productive.

My school life started to get rough although my classes were substantially easier. My grades dropped, and I really do not know what I wanted to focus on after I graduate. I didn't look for a job because I knew I'd be out of the country as soon as I took the bar. However, I didn't even look for a temporary job. Looking back, I've done the bare minimum to stay in, and that is not at all like me. I excel in academics most of the time because I love it and the environment I put myself in. Now, passing a simple mpre exam is tough, and it literally makes my blood boil.

Recently, I've made some wonderful friends that I will keep forever, but I also lost some that have been there for so long. I don't care to delve too much into it because I'm still figuring out what I want from that loss, but I do know that it's been a large part of my mood changes. However, that needs to change. My life has always happened in chapters as most people, but I always feel it in my bones. Something will happen, and it'll literally light a bulb in me, signaling the next phase of my life. For example, when I first met my boyfriend 6 years ago this August I felt it when i checked the phone for the first time to see if he called, when I checked my savings account to see that I made enough money to take off to Europe for 6 months, when i got my honors letter sealing my acceptance to UCLA, when my lease in LA ran out, and now, with this last small trip, to make this upcoming year MINE.

I love the quote for today. "A goal is a dream with a deadline." I stole this quote from one of my favorite bloggers, Sarah Rhoades, and it just hit the spot when I read it. My boyfriend always said that I thrive on deadlines and goals. If a deadline is given to me, I'll set the goal in my head and accomplish it. From that, I've accomplished more than most 50 year olds with my travels. However, that motto has escaped me this year.

So with no further ado, I've compiled a list of things I need to accomplish for 2010.
  1. read at least 50 books and prove it on Goodreads. I read a lot. but its mostly for school now. I love reading for fun but have drastically diminished my numbers from sheer laziness or just not wanting to read when I come home from an exhausting day at school. My library has not grown at all in two years and my books are all law related and boring. I got an ebook reader for my birthday, but have come to realize that it does not feel the same at all. It's only useful for the gym because I still love the smell and feel of books. I'll be making the trek to my favorite library much more this year.
  2. tone the body. Since I'm paying for a gym membership this year, I better make my money's worth from it. I know that everyone makes this resolution and then fails. I'm no exception because I detest the gym. However, I have incentive. The pressures of looking "presentable" are always present with my mom, but that pressure has never worked against me. I've maintained a healthy body from my amazing culture's cuisine and an active lifestyle with 3 active brothers and a slew of competitive friends. However, now that sports are on the backburner with school, the gym has to be my friend or the muffin top will get out of control! Therefore, my progress will be proven in pictures.
  3. finish my studio. I've gotten my hands on my dad's DSLR and still using my G10 to its max. Since my closet is substantially updated and versatile, it should be showcased here with some amazing pictures. Strobe lighting and all are nice, but I just need the proper price...
  4. pass the mpre. Enough is enough. I hate this damn exam, and I need to just PASS IT.
  5. pass the bar. This one is a doozy. This one will require 6 months of prep because I learn much slower than most, and I have to emit tons more energy to the process. Therefore, since barbri is only a 2 month process, I have to start my studies this upcoming semester. I've signed up for 3 insane classes [each feel like 3 classes in one], and I need to set a rigorous regimen to handle these subjects.
  6. get to Asia. This one, I will do, simply because its the one thing I have been wanting to do forever. No matter what the cost, I'll get there. The reward, if I accomplish everything above, will be this trip.
The deadline is July 30th, 2010. The last day of the bar exam. The dream is Asia. The journey is going to be hard and painful, but I hope to slowly plow my way through it. I'm in my prime, at the top of my game, and there is no reason to fail.

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